I make no secret of the fact that I am a Barry Manilow fan. I have been ever since January of 1975 when I heard the song “Mandy” for the first time when I was just eight years old. I mean, really… look at my screen name… it says it all. *micksluvsmanilow*

How more upfront about it can I possibly be?

My family and my friends are all aware of my love for Barry and his music. I take a lot of good natured ribbing from the family as I am the only lifelong, diehard, loyal fan in the family… although my Mom has recently been “Manilowized”. LOL My friends… well, most of them love him as much as I do.

What they may not all be aware of is why I am such a bullgog loyal fan. So… here goes. Some will understand, some won’t. It’s alright either way.

 

I had a very rough time of it growing up. My parents were never married and they split up when I was still a baby… maybe two years old. My Mom married someone who wasn’t any good for either of us, nor my sister and brother that came after they were married. He was very abusive. If he wasn’t trying to knock all my teeth in on a daily basis with his fists, he was systematically tearing down my self-esteem and confidence with verbal/emotional abuse. I was also being sexually abused by another family member as well. Let’s just say my childhood was a living hellish nightmare.

By the time I was school age, I was already extremely, painfully shy. I just didn’t know who, if anyone, I could trust NOT to hurt me. Making friends was nearly impossible for me, and growing up… I think I literally only had three very good friends (best friends). The problem was compounded by the fact that we moved an awful lot.

So, I spent much of my time alone. If I wasn’t reading a book, or making up little stories of my own, I was listening to music. Mostly country music because that’s what my Mom and her husband used to listen to most… but now and then, when cleaning the house, Mom would turn on a station that played Pop and Rock music… and one day, I heard “Mandy” and I suddenly understood what the point to music was. It was supposed to make you FEEL… whether it made you feel sad or joyous, that was it’s main function. And with that one song, I discovered my soul-mate… well, musical soul-mate. Barry Manilow.

I’m not sure just how familiar anyone is with the dynamics of abuse are and the things victims sometimes do just to survive. One of the things I had to do was to just shut down emotionally. Literally, I turned off all my emotions. I didn’t dare cry (that was a sign of weakness that invited even harsher treatment), and I sure as hell had nothing to be happy or laugh about. So I just totally turned it all off and let myself feel absolutely NOTHING! Well, most of the time.

The ONLY time I allowed myself to feel anything at all was when I was totally alone in my room and listening to Barry’s music. I was never afraid to cry or laugh when I was “with” him. I honestly believe with all my heart that I would have never been able to hold on to my sanity were it not for the emotional outlet he gave me.

Truth be told, I almost didn’t make it.

At the age of 16, I decided I had had all I could take and chose my way out. An overdose. No mess, no fuss… not that anyone would have cared, I thought at the time. But then, just when I was about to end it all… Barry was there again, right when I needed. I heard, “I Made It Through the Rain” that New Year’s Eve night in 1982, and cried myself to sleep instead. When I awoke the next morning, the lyric still ran through my head… and I believed every word… and thought for the first time in my miserable life that I just might “make it through” too.

I’ve had my ups and downs since then… a failed marriage, another suicide attempt, a year and a half in a state mental health facility getting well for the first time in my life, another broken marriage… but for the first time in my life I can truly say that I am happy and mean every word.

My family and few close friends get most of the credit… but Barry gets a lot of the praise too.

Had it not been for Barry Manilow and his music, I might never have survived my childhood, nor would I have found my passion for language and writing (I’m a wanna-be poet… I’ll post some of my work sometime).

So, Barry… I thank you from my heart. I couldn’t have made it without you, my friend!

P.S. What you are doing with the music schools there in Palm Springs is so amazing. I never would have stayed in school as long as I did without music classes (band and choir). God bless you for it all and I hope that others will follow your lead and this grows to become a nationwide program.